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A couple of days ago I went to a couple of genre websites I used to read religiously, sites that specialized in reviewing new and existing books... and I felt lost. It was like I was reading some alien language, or looking at something through a smoky glass. I felt completely removed from it. Yet another "subversive" book, undermining the tropes of the genre. Yet another Tolkien come again. Yet another ground-breaking book... breaking ground for... what? More of the same. Everything felt so... derivative. Of itself. It reminded me suddenly of how I felt about furry fandom a few years ago... that sense of people feeding off one another, everyone crowded into a small pond, writing for one another, reviewing one another. And I thought: "This is my genre?" Not anymore. And yet, you know... I still love science fiction. I still love fantasy. I still love wizards and dragons and boys with swords making their fortunes. I still love gallant space captains and multi-generational empires and robots. But the mainstream of the genre feels like an insular fortress and I'm not interested in what's behind its walls anymore. When I read these days, it's either authors I've already tried and still like, like Jack Campbell writing his Jack Geary military space operas, or it's new things I had to hunt around on the fringes to find, like ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) alex_beecroft's The Witch's Boy. More and more the thing that fills that void, oddly enough, is the RPG. Not because I have the time to run a new campaign... but because I know a lot of people who do, and they often say, "What would you be in this system?" or they describe their own characters. Or I look back at my older games and find something new in them. Or I read rulebooks— akaihyo sent me one recently. I get my playing online when I can, with a couple of people who make it worthwhile. This is the place that feels open-ended to me still, where you can go "Wow!" at things that people make, and where if you don't like what people make you're completely free to make up your own. It makes me think a little about the future of storytelling, and about tailored or custom-fitted stories, where you have some influence over what you want to see; not entirely, because then how could you be delighted and surprised? But enough to be invested in the story. If you'd told me a few years ago that I'd be uninterested in the genre mainstream industry, that the offerings in the bookstore would mostly be boring me, that I'd be turned off by the way many of those authors talk about themselves and their work, I would have been shocked. I wanted to be them. I don't anymore. I have a copy left over of The Aphorisms that I bought to send to one of those sites. I haven't yet. I don't think I will now. What to do with it now? The possibilities seem endless. I think I will make a gift of it. Stardancer Home.Tags: gaming, writing
Current Mood: vaguely disappointed
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When I did my brush donation drive, I promised that everyone who donated toward the brushes (or bought me one from my Dick Blick Wish List) would get a postcard of the very first picture I painted with them. I started "Willow" once I received them and while I haven't had the chance to finish it, Willow is definitely the first thing I painted with those brushes, and I am doggedly determined it will be the promised postcard picture. Which means every single painting I've done since then, I've used the old brushes. The Aphorisms cover. Geles. Thirukedi. Collapse. And now I'm about to start Sunny Days... with the old brushes. I keep telling myself this is ridiculous because Willow was the first piece I touched those brushes to, so technically even if I use the brushes on other pieces that I finish first, it's still the first piece. But I can't... bring... myself to do it. Can someone get back to me on whether breaking alignment long enough to do something slightly out-of-character would cause me to suffer an XP penalty? Stardancer Home.Tags: brushes, gaming, humor
Current Mood: o_O
Current Music: Massive Attack - Protection
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haikujaguar: I want to run the Baby adventure! GM: Um, that's a campaign, not a single session. haikujaguar: Whatever! Hit me! I'm not gaining experience from anything else anymore and I want to level up! GM: You do realize your family's either dead or has incompatible schedules, right? They won't be able to make the game. haikujaguar: Oh, no, that's fine, they'll want to show up for this one. I've got brownies! GM: Riiiiight. And you know our regular adventuring party's all moved away, or won't want to touch this one with a ten-foot pole.... haikujaguar: That's okay. elusivetiger will play with me, we've been playing together for over a decade! GM: Fine, fine. Let me look at your character sheet. *ruffle of sheets*GM: ... GM: Your CON has gone down significantly since you started playing. haikujaguar: But I spent the extra points in WIS! GM: No, seriously. Bad enough things happen to old adventurers without them taking the Fibromyalgia flaw. haikujaguar: I'll be fine. I've learned many creative ways to use my INT to make up for my wimpy STR! And I won't need any DEX, right? GM: ... haikujaguar: Look, all this experience I've got has got to count for something! And I've got a small income from adventuring-- GM: --you'll have to give that up-- haikujaguar: -- elusivetiger has a small income from adventuring, and we've set up a lair... we're starting off better than a lot of adventurers, even if we are rickety! GM: Are you sure you want to do this? haikujaguar: Heck, yeah! Let's go! Twelve months later, 4:30 AM. Player is surrounded in empty bottle, pacifier, diaper cloths and is limp on the floor.haikujaguar: OH MY GOD. GM: Told you so. Baby: *giggle*Stardancer Home.Tags: gaming, humor, mom in spots
Current Location: flopped on the floor
Current Mood: -_-
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Thanks for your commentary on the last post... for those of you who suggested I find a casual guild... well, I ran a casual guild, and it's attrited so many people that we're down to... 3? 4? Active players. I did my best to recruit more, but that didn't go so well (as someone in guild said to me once: "What do we have to offer? We're recruiting because we're dying." To which I said, "You can tell them if they join there's a high likelihood they'll get free drawings of their characters," because that was about the only thing I could think of if "good company" wasn't a good enough answer). Looking at that, I guess I should accept the possibility that I'm the reason everyone left. I'm probably not a great guild leader. Yeah... Woman with baby, art and writing to do, and who doesn't take the game seriously. What was I thinking. :P One of my fondest memories of the games has wicked away to a single feeling, like a brush-stroke left over from a larger painting. I don't remember what instance we were running, but my husband was in front of us, playing the protector/plate-wearer, some of my dearest RL friends were around me killing things, and I was behind them, making sure they stayed alive to do it--taking care of them. I was not their focus of attention, but I knew if something were to happen they would close ranks around me. In the mean-time, I was facilitating their enjoyment and deriving my own sublime pleasure from listening to them chatter while they played their roles, and splendidly. Everyone was enjoying themselves. Even more importantly, there was a kind of communion, a smooth-working feeling of everyone falling into place. There was no friction. The laughter and talk was only a current on the surface of an ocean, and that ocean was a trust that everyone in the group would do what they needed to in order for everyone to have fun. That feeling... a game should never give anyone that feeling. It tricks you into thinking it's more important than it is. But any activity that humans do together has that potential. I don't remember where we were, why we'd gone there or who got anything out of it, and I'd do any activity in-game just to experience it again. I played for that feeling. That was my mistake, I think. I originally joined WoW to share something with elusivetiger. He likes computer games, but it was never something we could do together until WoW. I still enjoy that aspect of the game and I know it's real. So maybe I'll play for that. For a while, at least. Stardancer Home.Tags: culture, gaming, philosophy
Current Mood: blah whatever
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I really enjoy playing World of Warcraft. I like the whimsy of it. I like the visualness of it. I like seeing the evidence of other people's creativity and humor, especially on such a vast canvas... attention to detail really stands out in something the size of a MMPORG. And I enjoy the game parts of it, most of the time-- --but I wouldn't play it without the people. Which is why I'm thinking of quitting. WoW hasn't taken up a significant portion of my time for a long time; I'm in no danger of losing my life to it. But I'm so... so tired of the people issues. I'm really tired of realizing that the reasons I play--to hang out with friends in a shared context--is only one reason people play, and for most people not the ultimate reason. I want to hang out and talk. I want to laugh over some stupid thing we saw/did together. I want to do silly things together, just to have done it with friends and giggle about it later. I'm not into joining a group of anonymous people whose sole interests lie in advancement or beating the game. I'm not into playing daily or on some sort of schedule to accomplish some virtual goal. I don't want to log in to focus on the game, rather than the relationships. The game doesn't take itself seriously... why on earth should I? I try not to blame the people who play WoW like a single-player game rather than an MMPORG. But the effort of not being upset at them for putting game goals above the personal stuff is getting overwhelming. I don't know. I guess I'll sleep on it. But I'm disappointed that, given a universe to roam in and enjoy with thousands of other human beings, still somehow we devolve to fighting over resources, keeping up with the Joneses and acquiring useless material objects to the detriment of our relationships. I'm usually pretty optimistic about human nature, but MMPORGs have defeated me. As far as I can see, they just bring out the worst in everyone... ...myself included. *sigh* I guess I'm not a gamer after all. Stardancer Home.Tags: culture, gaming, philosophy
Current Mood: morose
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My World of Warcraft subscription expires April 1st; I let it lapse because Blizzard messed up the part I enjoy, the Player versus Player stuff. It used to be that my low-level characters could still compete despite their low level; they could still advance (if rather slowly) by doing nothing but exercising their desires to kill other evil players... and there were rewards that they could use based not just on how good they were at killing other people, but based on how much their side liked them for doing time on the battlefield. Great stuff. I loved it. Now, though, you have to do the non-PVP stuff to advance. And I've done the non-PVP stuff 3-4 times already. I don't want to do it again. It's almost enough to make me want to pay those services that level your characters for you: you pay them, change your password and give it over to them, and a week or so later your characters are maxed out. They make it pretty easy. Except... these conversations happen in my head... Druid: Wow. *rubbing head* What happened to me? Did I fall into the Emerald Dream? I lost, like, a week of my life and I don't remember where it went...! Hunter: *looking at bow* Where did this come from? It's much nicer than my old one. Hey, wait, why am I poor??Priest: *terrified and miserable* I had this nightmare... that for a month I turned to the dark side and HURT THINGS TERRIBLY and LAUGHED while their FACES MELTED! *Druid and Hunter stare at Priest, horrified.*Hunter: You... you're glowing. Purple. Priest: *stares at hands* *weeps* *runs off to commit suicide*Soooooo much character trauma... No leveling services for me. *sigh*Stardancer Home.Tags: gaming, humor, writing
Current Music: Assemblage 23 - Ground
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