haikujaguar: The Admonishments of Kherishdar: SPITE

M. C. A. Hogarth (

haikujaguar) wrote,
@ 2008-05-05 06:32:00

Entry tags:

ai-naidar, excerpts, the admonishments of kherishdar

The Admonishments of Kherishdar: SPITE

SPITE
M.C.A. Hogarth

merethek [ MARE-eh-thehk ], (noun) — A ritual in which someone of lower caste-rank pledges fealty to one of higher, and both acknowledge their mutual duties, lord to vassal. During this ritual, the higher-ranked paints a ribbon pattern on the lower with a dye (or bleach). This dye fades over the course of a year, at which point the ritual is observed again. Only Thirukedi uses permanent dyes.

      The knocks before had been frantic, angry, desperate. They'd been accompanied by cajoling, by pleas, by remonstrations. None of them had pried me from hiding.
      This knock was slow.
      Was hard.
      Was inexorable.
      I knew I would give in to it. Knowing made me panic. I faced the corner and chewed on my knuckles.
      Silence.
      Again, the knock.
      I pressed my brow against my knees. Behind my closed eyes I saw my gloved fingers trailing across fur, crossing line over line, until dye darkened to the shade of blood.
      Again, the knock.
      I shuddered. I had been granted that rarity, a true love between myself and one of my Nobles... but it had not been enough only to touch, and not to have more. So I struck at him in ritual when he could not deny me, for it had been for him to show allegiance.
      For me to paint the dye on as a sign of our relationship, lord and vassal.
      For me to do so carefully, because even the dilution of Thirukedi's preparation that is allowed us is still a poison.
      Again, the knock.
      I was afraid I had killed him.
      Again.
      Again.
      I covered my eyes and shook....
      And then the handle... moved.
      The door opened, all on its own, as I watched. And standing there was my ajzelin—my beloved, whom I'd thought never to see again. On one hand, he wore a ritual glove... but with cold iron claws. In his other hand was a jar of shadowflower dye. I thrust my shoulders back against the wall, but there was nowhere I could flee.
      He crouched across from me, his eyes sorrowful.
      "I have been permitted to bestow the bairek narili."
      Only the emperor was allowed to create bairek narili: to incise wounds while applying the dye. It often crippled... sometimes killed. And yet my fears seized on minor details. Would he mark me somewhere everyone could see? Or someplace as private as my discontent had been before I made it public with my abuse of the merethek? Petrified, I waited.
      He backed away. Looked at me sadly. Left the room. I was still staring after him when Shame lunged out of the dark and ripped through my robe at the hip. Before I could scream, he gouged the other side.
      "What your love was too kind to do, I have done," he said as I pitched forward, shrieking. "How does it feel, the merethek as punishment?"
      He rolled me onto my back and pressed my shoulder down with his foot.
      "You have lost your love's trust," Shame said. "And Thirukedi's eyes are on you now. Act with the honor and grace befitting a Regal. Let the marks remind you."
      I moaned, weak.
      "Answer me," Shame said, cold.
      "Thank you," I cried, weeping. "Thank for the grace of my Correction!"
      He tossed a blanket over me and left.

Donate.
The Admonishments of Kherishdar.

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	arielstarshadow 2008-05-05 10:50 am UTC (link)
	Yes...yes, I can see Shame becoming heartsick after years of such. As you said, in need of emotional healing. sigh I suspect I'll have more to say after this has settled in my head for a bit. (Reply to this)

	archangelbeth 2008-05-05 11:38 am UTC (link)
	Ah, I am too sleepy. arielstarshadow has the right of it -- is this Shame being a tad off-kilter? The ending... does not have the restoration of place, the sense of completion of an arc, that most of the others seem to, to me. (Reply to this)(Thread)

	dulcinbradbury 2008-05-05 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	The ending... does not have the restoration of place, the sense of completion of an arc, that most of the others seem to, to me. Agreed. I feel like I'm missing something. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

manycolored
2008-05-05 05:02 pm UTC (link)

Part of it, I think, is that we have no easy way of conceptualizing just how great a crime the narrator has committed.

He warped and mangled the relationship on two axes: the platonic love azjelin bond and the intimate power imbalance marethek bond. Our culture doesn't really have an emotional vocabulary for either, so we don't understand the levels of betrayal going on.

Maybe the disgust, horror, and wrath we feel about parents who sexually abuse their children, that would come close.

This couldn't be an act of desperate love-madness. The narrator had love. He had everything - intimacy, companionship, devotion, and a special place in the heart of his beloved.

It couldn't be due to sexual repression issues, because the Ai-Naidar don't repress. They just observe proprieties in expressing it, and have an unabashed way of "handling it" in private.

It couldn't be due to a delusional disconnect with reality, because I think Shame would send in a healer of some sort for that. (Punishing delusional people isn't effective, and Shame always goes for what's effective.)

All the mitigating factors stripped away, it was done for spite and only spite. He couldn't "have" the "thing" he wanted, and so he very deliberately went about an act that would either force "it" to be "his", or destroy "it".

Still, I agree. He was forcibly bound to Thirukedi, so what he did was done to him, but I don't see where he has found the GRACE in his Correction.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

archangelbeth
2008-05-06 12:28 pm UTC (link)

I think the difference... Hm. The child-abuser was a psychopath, in that regard. He plotted out his crime for years, knowing it was wrong and that he'd be caught and punished.

This was a crime of "passion" (it didn't sound entirely pre-meditated, though it was certainly the passions of spite), and the narrator is more terrified than not. More like the noble who asked to be broken, because of the death of the miners.

So, since we expect Shame to be psychic by now (*grin*), it seems odd that he's not picking that up and using it to bring the criminal to a state of... learning. It seems that he has marked and left the noble to die-or-not, and that feels... oddly sloppy of him. The buildup, from this narrator's terror and inability to confront, would seem to ask for a completion of either breaking down the terror into, ha, lower-case shame and acceptance and begging for forgiveness (like the rapist did?), or breaking, or... something. Something besides numbness, which is what the last line -- and a powerful one it is -- leaves behind.

The last line is powerful. I'm not sure it's the right one to complete, at least for humans.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	archangelbeth 2008-05-06 01:26 pm UTC (link)
	And I think about it a while and realize -- even the child-rapist was given a place. Where is the spiteful idiot's place? Alone, in a cell, to live or die at random? Is this crime of spite worse than child molestation? (Reply to this)(Parent)

dulcinbradbury
2008-05-06 01:47 pm UTC (link)

And... I actually got some of that.

I suppose there's a layer of not fully understanding *what* he wanted... and not understanding why he was taking it out on the other one. There's no sense of a true denial there.

It disconnects (for me) because he had "everything"... so I don't get what there was to be spiteful about. If it was a class issue, that's societally directed anger, not towards the individual, who's as much bound by it as he is.

I just don't get what the issue was in the first place, although I understand why the abuse of power would be so terrible. And I don't see the rehabilitative or graceful aspects at all.

This one seems too much in the present moment or too much in the narrator's head. I need/want more context. Unfortunately, I think the corrections are much harder to understand in such a brief story.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

stryck
2008-05-05 06:15 pm UTC (link)

I have thought of Shame being a bit disconnected from early on.

Shame is clever. Really, he's brilliant. He sees the things that bind people together, the levers that produce results. Like many very clever people in our own world, he can see how people work and knows how to obtain the desired results.

Viewing the world this way, however, can turn it two-dimensional. Among humans, having this knowledge may seed pride- "I know how people work and can get them to do what I want". These are the creepiest villains we write. On the other hand, those who work with people constantly can fall victim to a different problem- they disassociate. They refuse to feel, relying instead on their brilliance to handle the necessary interactions. I could see this being a greater danger in a culture like the Ai-Naidar simply because so much interaction is already guided by rules. If you know both the written rules and the unwritten levers, then you can do your job without having to actually get involved.

The Calligrapher was always involved, even when he participated in punishment or correction. He seems to be one of those people who can't not be involved.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	arielstarshadow 2008-05-05 06:30 pm UTC (link)
	Hmmm...I think Shame's problem is that he does continue to feel every Correction he does, as opposed to the opposite, which is disassociation. I think they weigh on his soul. That's why we see that dark, lonely, heartbreaking illustration of him for the Admonishments. But I could be wrong! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	? kenakeri 2008-05-05 01:27 pm UTC (link)
	I read the admonishments of the molester and the rapist and Shame's actions in those did not bother me as much as his actions in this. His spirit seems different. I'll have to think about this one a bit more. Maybe then I can make some intelligent comment. (Reply to this)

	koogrr 2008-05-05 02:09 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, it makes a lot of sense. (Reply to this)

Thoughts

ysabetwordsmith
2008-05-05 03:18 pm UTC (link)

Two things here ...

I share the previously voiced sentiments that this story is different, less full of grace at the end. The Correction may work in terms of preventing the crime from repeating -- but it lacks the healing aspect of previous ones.

Also, the title doesn't seem as well matched. This seems more a matter of thwarted desire, resentment, frustration. For "spite" I would have expected the victim to be an enemy or rival, come into the perpetrator's power.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: Thoughts

archangelbeth
2008-05-05 03:23 pm UTC (link)

You've not heard the term "cut off your nose to spite your face"? I think that may be the spite, here -- something was not enough, not good enough, so this person broke the trust between himself and a vassal, causing pain (or worse?), when the vassal couldn't fight back. Turning a frustration into something worse than it was. Spite, not jealousy...

...woah, I did not know I had the nuances in my dialect/understanding of the word. ...COOL. Thank you for making me think about it.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: Thoughts arielstarshadow 2008-05-05 03:31 pm UTC (link)
	I second archangelbeth's words. What was done was for spite alone - to treat maliciously? Yep, I think that's what happened here. However, some of the spite seems to have rubbed off on Shame, which concerns me. This Admonishment hurt my heart. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	_eljefe_ 2008-05-05 03:46 pm UTC (link)
	As always, we see a glimpse. What if this is not the first time this one has been corrected? (Reply to this)(Thread)

	arielstarshadow 2008-05-05 03:50 pm UTC (link)
	That would certainly make me feel better about this particular Correction. It doesn't, however, change my concern for Shame's emotional wellbeing. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	_eljefe_ 2008-05-05 03:56 pm UTC (link)
	It doesn't, however, change my concern for Shame's emotional wellbeing. And that's were Thirukedi fits into the picture. A lot of the emotional trauma is transfered to him, as Shame is acting directly for him. That is not to say that the residue of what Shame is doing won't build up regardless, but it will help. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

arielstarshadow
2008-05-05 05:45 pm UTC (link)

A lot of the emotional trauma is transfered to him, as Shame is acting directly for him.

The question is - just how literally can we take that?

To use a human example: a general gives a soldier the order "Go out and shoot those prisoners of war" and the soldier obeys the order. Who's going to have more emotional trauma? The general, who gave the order but didn't see it carried out, or the soldier, who watched the body parts explode and saw the blood? For humans, it's most assuredly the soldier with the most trauma.

Do Ai-Naidari minds and psyches work similarly enough that the same is true of them? I don't know. We do know that Shame becomes "broken" somewhere along the timeline because we have the snippet of the novel as evidence. What we're not quite sure of is the timeline of that snippet as compared to the timeline of the Admonishments, as compared to the timeline of the meta-conversations we read here. My thinking is that the timeline is as follows:

Admonishments
Novel
Meta-conversations

I could be completely wrong - but it "feels" as though the Admonishments are taking place over the years of Shame's service, up to the point of the novel snippet (and maybe a little after it as well because even after Thirukedi sends the Calligrapher to Shame to hopefully help heal him, healing takes time), and then comes the novel, in which Shame and the Calligrapher deal with House Qenain (I hope I spelled that right, I'm not checking it, which I should) and Shame is, we hope, healed. The meta-conversations take place after all of this, when Shame can look back at his career thus far.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	haikujaguar 2008-05-05 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	You are correct about the order. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	arielstarshadow 2008-05-05 07:10 pm UTC (link)
	smile And yet no answer to the question of Ai-Naidari psyche! You torment us, you do! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	artfulruin 2008-05-05 03:48 pm UTC (link)
	It feels as if Shame is disgusted with this person. I can understand that, but yes, he needs the Calligrapher. (Reply to this)

captainq
2008-05-05 05:50 pm UTC (link)

I think that the fear which resulted from hearing that they would be subjected to bairek narili says it all, here.

They lost the trust of his loved one because they did not completely trust in return. Much more, they did not trust Civilization, and its Correction. Their concern was for themselves...better for it to be finished here than through years of poison of a different sort.

Perhaps their spite was due to selfishness...or greed. It is hard to say which.

For those who say there is no grace here: They had grace when their love returned, well and with health!

If they were truly repentant, there would have been remorse and a welcoming of correction from the loved one. They would still have been marked, perhaps crippled or killed...but there would have been a chance for forgiveness and healing of the soul(which is more important than life itself).

I see this situation often in my own life--I do a wrong, but I do not learn from the consequences of the first action...so when I am approached about my wrong I respond in pride with fear and anger. The only correction for this second wrong is for grace to be lost, and ties broken. At least then there can be understanding...though what a price for arrogance! They will never see their loved one again.

You seem to enjoy making people guess at genders. ;) But then again, to know gender and have it be not that of my own would be a chance to absolve myself of learning.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	stryck 2008-05-05 06:08 pm UTC (link)
	Agreed. If love was greater, then he would have been relieved to see his azjelin, not afraid. It wouldn't matter what the punishment was. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	thedigitalkuri 2008-05-05 07:18 pm UTC (link)
	rolls shoulders Ick. That was all bad. The writing was fine. But that was not a correction, that was more like a rape. I'm not going to argue for the Regal, 'cuz s/he is in the wrong out of pride. But. ICK. (Reply to this)

	miintikwa 2008-05-05 08:10 pm UTC (link)
	Agreed. This correction lacks the full-circleness of some of the others. And again I feel the flavor of the Regal as female, while others feel male. I must ponder that part of myself that sees myself rather than mirror. And poor Shame. (Reply to this)

	fireriven 2008-05-05 09:02 pm UTC (link)
	This one actually hurt. I feel phantom slashes in my own hips, this came across so powerfully. I see the manifestation of spite here. I also see the off-ness of Shame that others have mentioned. (Reply to this)

	I agree with the comments about the ending dakiwiboid 2008-05-05 09:04 pm UTC (link)
	However, I want to say a bit about the overall metaphor here. I want to thank you, Maggie, for saying something about a love that becomes poisonous, that can hurt more than it heals, that harms the spirit because it's not entered into freely. Shadowflower in the heart afflicts our species as well as the al-Naidari. (Reply to this)

	lady_ravenlocke 2008-05-06 03:08 am UTC (link)
	This was an interesting piece. The overall feel of it was decidedly different than the others. This one didn't feel as complete somehow, and the Shame you see here seems to be...well, he almost seems burned out to the point of acting hastily. I'll be interested to see what the Jaguar herself has to say about this. (Reply to this)

silversliver
2008-05-06 07:23 am UTC (link)

Like others, I found this passage unexpectedly hard to stomach. This admonishment left me feeling much the same as when my abusive ex would go off on me for something in anger and out of proportion to the offense. While I think being marked with the poison dye is an appropriate level of response, the anger and cruelty it was delivered with disturbs me. While I might have wanted to share a meal and beverage with Shame before, now I want nothing to do with him. I hope he finds some healing.

(Reply to this)

laturner
2008-05-06 04:31 pm UTC (link)

Remember that Shame has had to endure all the punishments he exacts, so he knows where to cut to cause pain and not permanent damage. We have also been protected from the darker side of Shame, and I have been expecting the stories to become more violent for a while now. I was wondering if every Correction would end with healing, if every member of the society would be so easily dealt with. Apparently not.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	haikujaguar 2008-05-06 04:32 pm UTC (link)
	nod The last five are the worst. This isn't even it. (Reply to this)(Parent)

hafoc
2008-05-06 10:20 pm UTC (link)

I think I can sense some shadow of the enormity of this crime. Partly because I'm one of these sickos who actually longs to trust authority, if only authority didn't always seem to go out of its way to prove it isn't worthy of my trust.

But I also have to agree with the readers who see Shame breaking down here, or Shame's system breaking down.

Until this case, when Shame acted on his own authority he found a way to not only redirect misbehavior, but to cure its cause. Here he only punishes.

The Regal will do their job because the Regal is terrified not to. But will do the job only about as well as anyone ever does with a gun pressed to their head. Perhaps the Regal is too important to remove, or it would cause the local equivalent of bad press to do so. But I'd be surprised if the Regal is ever worth a damn after this.

Perhaps some crimes are too enormous to forgive, some dry rots fo the soul too deep and too dark to excise. Perhaps the image of a broken Regal going through the motions of a pointless, miserable life is necessary 'pour encourager les autres.' The State needs such things to survive, even here? I'd thought they were better at the craft of civilization than that.

(Reply to this)

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