haikujaguar: Too Much Attachment

M. C. A. Hogarth (

haikujaguar) wrote,
@ 2008-04-12 08:43:00

Current mood:	easy-tired
Entry tags:	books, philosophy, writing

Too Much Attachment
I was riding my bicycle a week ago or so, in the late late afternoon when sunset is threatening but it's still light out... enjoying the quality of the light, so luminous without heat. There's a long slope alongside a pond where you don't have to pedal and I sat back as I sailed past, listening to the click-click-click of the bicycle chain and the distant piercing whistle of a heron... watching the breeze ruffle the surface of the water into shining folds, smelling star jasmine and cut grass.

dracosphynx and I have been having a discussion about whether I'll sell 50 books (at the time, I was at 44 sold and no movement for weeks). But out there in the quiet, some part of me detached from the idea that it was important to sell as many books as possible. It had been gnawing at me that I haven't had time to put together the marketing for The Aphorisms, and that beyond sending out the review copies I haven't really pushed it.

And I wondered: why do I have to push? Why is it important? Five books or fifty, it is what it is. When I have the time to put together fliers and letters and send out newsbits to websites, I'll do it. But I don't right now, and it's not a big deal. There's so much temptation to mistake your successes for your identity... to look at what you do and say "That is who I am." But it's not, not really. Nothing external truly is.

People will find the work... or not. And I'll still be here, and so will the books. In the mean-time, I have living to do... or else what will I write when I finally sit down?

( Of course, the moment I stopped fretting about it, I sold three more... figures. I think the universe just wants me to have another cup of chocolate. :) )

Stardancer Home.

(Post a new comment)

talix18
2008-04-12 01:10 pm UTC (link)

I want to share with you that I recently finished the Aphorisms (in book form) all the way through - and immediately flipped back to the beginning to read them again. I can't bring myself to put the book aside; up on a shelf! Something about the Calligrapher's voice is so soothing yet invigorating at the same time. He looks at his world with so much love and is full of so much grace - it is truly a pleasure to see through his eyes.

And Shame's world is so different but still that same grace and love and respect abide - his voice is different but there is the same resonance; that same way of looking at all of the details of his life with reverence. It is so amazing that the ruling principle of Kherishdar is "civilization", which seems secular (although Thirukedi is a god of sorts, yes?), yet everything about their world is sacred to these two people.

It's all just lovely and I'm so glad I found this world!

Edited at 2008-04-12 01:10 pm UTC

(Reply to this)

	captainq 2008-04-12 01:55 pm UTC (link)
	Oh! Thank you for reminding me. :) (Reply to this)

	artfulruin 2008-04-12 01:59 pm UTC (link)
	The universe is smart. :) (Reply to this)

	asakiyume 2008-04-12 02:06 pm UTC (link)
	Oh, people will find you :-) Thanks for the link; I just ordered your book--and I can't really spend money on a whim, but I did it anyway, because I've fallen in love with your little snippets, and I want my daughters, who love to draw, to see your stuff, too. You're an artist and a storyteller; you need an audience. So of course you want people to see/read your stuff! (Reply to this)

hafoc
2008-04-12 02:28 pm UTC (link)

Success is not what I am. Writing is, or at least it's a big part of what I am; the part that does something worthwhile. (Other than that, I'm in environmental protection for the State government. It's rather like being on the Titanic. They give you a teacup and say "Bail. But there's a dance going on up on A Deck. Don't spill any of the water on the rich guy's shoes, or there'll be hell to pay." Worthy enough in theory, but I don't accomplish anything.)

I only want financial success because I see it as the only way to let people enjoy my works. I put them out free, but if anybody reads them I'm not aware of it. It's as if people won't take a gift, but try to squeeze a buck or two and they suddenly think it's worth something. It's always confused me.

Used to frustrate the hell out of me too. I admit I got some great angst poetry out of the deal. It's fine work, if you like that sort of thing- kind of makes me giggle when I read it these days.

I would feed the dragon with my bones
For in that way I might be touched by fire
And give myself to beauty, strength, and flight

But dragons are not flying in my sky
The dragons have deserted all my dreams
That which I am, I am, for what it's worth
But what it's worth is nothing much, it seems

No dragons in my sky
and naked in the sun
the untouched bones

But what the hell. If it happens it happens. And always, I write for myself first. If I knew nobody would ever read anything I wrote, I'd fill hundreds of pages of journals anyway-- as, in fact, I do.

I don't know, (dare I call you friend?). It's such a big part of what we are, and I don't know what to do about it. Writers are such strange creatures. Sometimes I think that if we could communicate in any normal way we wouldn't write at all.

But that which we are, we are. And you know what? It's actually kind of cool.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	arielstarshadow 2008-04-12 03:36 pm UTC (link)
	I'd like financial success as a writer/creator so that my life doesn't continue to get dragged down by the "job to pay the bills." Not to mention, not having to work another job would mean more time to create. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

	talix18 2008-04-12 03:53 pm UTC (link)
	Omigod I love that poem. When I first read it I read "I would feed the dragon in my bones" (to feed in and encourage its fire within me). I feel I am where you felt you were in this poem. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

	haikujaguar 2008-04-12 04:38 pm UTC (link)
	Not even that, is what I am, I have discovered. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Feedback ysabetwordsmith 2008-04-12 07:52 pm UTC (link)
	You're a talented poet as well as a fiction writer. Keep writing. Keep sharing. (This is me in Editor mode talking.) If you have a hard time getting feedback, copy my "How to Support Your Favorite Author" post and put it next to your work. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	dracosphynx 2008-04-12 02:35 pm UTC (link)
	I told you, 50! (Reply to this)

	silversliver 2008-04-12 03:55 pm UTC (link)
	Sales don't necessarily indicate how many people you've reached with the print copies either. I bought one copy for my friend and she's now passing it around to everyone she knows! (Reply to this)(Thread)

	haikujaguar 2008-04-12 11:20 pm UTC (link)
	That gladdens me. :) (Reply to this)(Parent)

	dedoc 2008-04-12 04:04 pm UTC (link)
	More chocolate. OK; we'll get right on that. twinkles (Reply to this)(Thread)

	haikujaguar 2008-04-12 11:19 pm UTC (link)
	laugh! I thank you! (Reply to this)(Parent)

	jenstclair 2008-04-12 04:19 pm UTC (link)
	I feel that way too. Why rush? Enjoy it. :) (Reply to this)

	Re: Book Trailer arielstarshadow 2008-04-12 08:54 pm UTC (link)
	Hmmmm.....I'm not a guru by any means, but I've got some PowerPoint skills (Reply to this)(Parent)

	anamacha 2008-04-14 03:57 pm UTC (link)
	this is very much in line with the "course of self discovery" I keep alluding to, that I will get around to writing about one of these days. It speaks of an internal, organic wisdom that most of us in the US have forsaken. (Reply to this)(Thread)(Expand)

	flutterbychild 2008-04-18 10:01 am UTC (link)
	Selling books and art is a way for artists to be acknowledged, for our stories to be told...and that is our ultimate desire. (Reply to this)

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